Isolation

Sometimes, i was forced to isolate myself because i was having physical breakdown. A breakdown in which i had for so ... so .... many years and yet i still find myself stuck inside it... since the days when i was still a very small kid, i was having the same old problem.... yes skin problem.. problem that i have to endure hardship, pain, suffering..

At a very young to middle age, the problem that the skin disease caused has minimal impact in my life, and during that time, i have |"better freedom" in choosing what attire can i wear.. attire from short pants to sleeveless shirt. During those years, i've been battling that problem and it seems promising, and at last, the problem is gone.

Well, joyful times was shortlived. ever since i completed the so called " national service" or better known as "Program Latihan Khidmat Negara", my life plunged into hell once more. new skin disease had successfully breached into the biggest organ in a human's body, that is my skin. Say hi to "Psoriasis + Eczema"

At first, the coverage of both skin disease was very small, and i pay minimal attention to it. and soon afterwards, all my life is full of regrets, regrets that i myself can evade at the beginning stage of the disease, and now, the regrets is still in me till this very moment.

During those days, it was in my college years. frankly speaking, i never enjoyed my college years, maybe it's because of the "problem" that was holding me back.. i remembered, both combination of disease once grew on my face, it was big enough that it covers half of my face, which literally tested my endurance, dignity, bravery, self-confidence and it caused alot... and i mean ALOT.. of embarrassment whenever i step out of my house to be with the people outside.. Do u even know how it felt, to have every pairs of eyes, looking at u whenever u passed by them? Do u even know what i've have been thru those day? worst than hell i would say.. i have no self-esteem and i went into alot of depression and find it hard to persevere. altho my family was behind me all the time, trying to find a cure for me

i did not finish my college years, and i guess u know why... but God is willing to give me a second chance . and now im in university trying to make up the loss of time i've made. my face was cured .... but not my body. years since my days at college, my skin condition never improved and it seems to get worst every single day. it gets bigger, uglier and now it covers most of the parts of my body. and whenever the rashes appear( which happens almost every month, i dunno how it happen) my mood would just plunged down to minimum. my emotion was tested heavily whenever i went thru these moment. and my mind keep playing games with me, saying, "no way it wont cure", or " you're gonna be like this for the rest of your miserable lives. i dunno this is a good thing or a bad thing for me, the inflammation of the rashes seems to happen on weekend, if not holidays. which is somehow i can isolate myself from my frens. i would try to give various excuses so that i can rest physically and mentally and emotionally at home.. sometimes the condition is so worst that i did not go out and have my meal.. i have to go thru hunger for the sake of not showing myself outside.. im glad my sis always stock up the biscuit and cookies, these two are my saviors

If the inflammation happens on weekdays, this spells trouble for me, i have to look up long sleeve clothes to put on, which i dun really feel comfortable at all . and whenever the weather is too hot, and i have classes on that day, (fyi: i cycle to skool) i would just stay at home and dun wanna go out, and hoping that my sis wont come back from work that early... but sometimes, i just have to go to class because the class is important and i cant afford to miss it. those moment in class = HECTIC.. .. and i was always worried about my skin, hoping it wont get worst when im at skool.

It's been five years (not counting the skin disease at my young age) im having psoriasis and eczema, and i still alive and "well" tried lots of medication, but to no avails. which really saddened me.. and i hope i can encounter ppl who experienced these diseases and able to find cure for it. this is my only wish for 2012, to get better, at least from this pain and suffering im having right now.. i still thank God for giving such a good perseverance and endurance. i do really hope it continue.

ps: i really envy those who have freedom to wear anything they want to

WHY AREN'T U HEALED YET T.T

jeez... it's been almost 2 weeks since i injured my leg while playing futsal... Well it's actually not a futsal since me and my gang uses a basketball (==") to play with.. on a basketball court. During that time, it was raining and the surface is wet. Me and Khye Chuin was on the same team..Until..... Khye Chuin passes the ball to me, i wrongly stamp my foot on the ground.. then i fell to the ground in pain.. realising that my ankle has swollen.. i can barely walk that time and i find myself limping with one leg to the side of the court to take a rest...

But i was so eager to continue,, so i jump on the court once again.. But this time, i only walk the ball while attacking, not running.. then eventually i was demoted to guard the goal post...and ended up the ball hit my tummy.. ARGH!!!

Frens always advise me to apply some med but i refuse... go see a doc... i refused also.... then a few days later.. the side of my foot turned purple...><>.<

We're gonna miss you Auntie Drug!!

Well, today is the last day me and my gang have our dinner at Auntie Drug's . Cuz they're making loss and have to shut down.

This Auntie Drug offers great variety of meals, ranging from chicken chop, fish chop, mee soup, fried rice and etc etc. And i gotta tell u, the chicken chop is awesome. The chicken chop is big enough to fill our stomach and it taste great too.

The Auntie would normally talk to us when we're eating, cuz we are the regulars . xD And dont forget Loon, the person who serves us with varieties of water from juice to tea. And he always wear a yellow t-shirt.

Every time we went there for dinner, we would normally spent 2 hours at least over there. At 1st it was okay to me and some of my friends. But as weeks goes by, we find it time wasting. Cuz the auntie not that close to me and some of my friend. Instead, she is close to the stream A students. Stream B student like us would normally end up watching a movie from the TV. And some times, we planned to go home early but the auntie didnt let us, or should i say, she wouldnt accept the payment for the meal lol.

Anyway, it wasn't that bad cuz the auntie is kind to us. She specially cook(with YZ and Ronny as her assistance) for us for her final day in Kampar, FREE OF CHARGE!!!. We get to eat char kuew tiao , fried mee, fried rice, fish, and chicken chop. We enjoyed alot and me and Khye Chuin eat like a monster. The char kuew tiao is the BEST!!

BEST WISHES for Auntie Drug and her son (Loon) for providing us such a good time in Kampar!! and may God bless you guys :)

My 1st ever blog =D

Hi! im new to bloggie.. and this is my 1st ever blog

Well i have nothing much to say, but there are numerous events that happened to me which i think is very important in shaping my personality

1st thing that comes in mind was my relationship with a girl. Well we started off quite good. But as days goes by, i felt the weirdness of you in my life. Our personalities didn't really matched and we find it hard to communicate face to face.

This is maybe because I'm not that close to you. We started off not knowing each other deeply enough. And this is the main reason that it ended awfully. I know u want us to be together again, but i have already lost my feelings. We didn't appreciate each other and we lost it due to our selfishness to speak to each other. But I really hoped that we could still be good friends.

2nd thing is the education fees thingy. Well i was told by my sis that fees can only be made payable by using debit card. I applied for one during sem breaks. But when i tried to pay the fees via debit, the card cannot be swapped. Well it was my fault on the 1st attempt as i didn't follow the methods of transfer correctly. Well the transaction succeed on the 2nd times, it turned out the card cannot be swapped. AGAIN!! I know the amount of money inside is sufficient. Then i add-on some additional amount of money again.. And yet AGAIN it cant be swapped. I was very very pissed about it. But finally, thx to 50 for helping me in the e-banking in MKL's house. We found out MKL was watching someone's picture and forgot to close it, and we laughed at him so bad. MKL GG-ed.

The 3rd thing is going to old town to have our dinner which cost me RM 16.40 . This amount is times 6 as there were 6 of us, TKC, MKL, LPY, TSY, 50 and myself. which makes a total of Rm 98.50. That darn curry chicken in a large bread roughly cost us 40 bucks and the chicken inside is so less which couldnt satisfy us enough. But the process of eating that meal is kinda hilarious, as we looked like some beggars whom havn't eaten for days. Even the paper placed below the bread is torn apart. We were like a bunch of MONSTERS!! and i bet the employees there were laughing as us. We finished that meal around 7 minutes. AWESOME!!

LOL now it seems that my 1st ever blog is too long, i better stop writing for now.. and will update it some other time xD